If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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