why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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