There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
