is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
