She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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