Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
