Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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