I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
