dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
