Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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