Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
