the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
