I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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