Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
