Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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