My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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