she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I party with great urgency now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
