i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
