a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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