Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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