Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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