Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
