She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
