I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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