piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
