"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
