this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
honey bunches of taint.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
