I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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