Having a random hookup so left but love u
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize