But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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