I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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