the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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