Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I deserve to be covered in dicks
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
