is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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