I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
