It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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