The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
