Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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