and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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