Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
