I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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