She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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