This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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