If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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