So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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