If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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