I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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