dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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