Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
