You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
