note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
