I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
