Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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