That's intense
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
