there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
