Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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