So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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