Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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