Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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