Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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