jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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