Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
