remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
