that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
