thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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